THE CHALLENGES OF PARENTING IN MENTAL ILLNESS

Highlights of a talk by Wendy Woodfield and Steven Lappen
MDDA Board of Directors
Wednesday, August 25, 1999

These were no “semiweekly professional” MDDA lectures. The gathered community listened to touching first-hand accounts, derived from life experience, or rather day-to-day struggles of two very brave parents-overcomers. These talks were very moving and remarkably well delivered.

It may be somewhat debatable whether one should call affective major
uni-(MDD) or bipolar (MBD) disorders "mental illnesses (MIs)" when
communicating with children. Even clinical terminology does not label them
that way. The expression “MI” may be unduly frightening, alienating or
stigmatizing for some of them. There are many more severe, brain-degenerative
and irreversible MIs. However, it remains a rather moot point. Pains and
horrors associated with either MMD or MBD: all those abysmal losses of
abilities, hopes, dreams, careers, jobs, relationships are usually beyond any
verbal domains. The sad facts still remain: MMD and MBD produce losses of
minds, personalities, and often human lives, irrespective of any terminology.

How does one avoid dropping out from this “difficult poker of life," after
having been suddenly dealt a new hand of cards that has only marginally low
value? How does one still dare to bet on a poker pot, knowing that now one’s
hand of cards contains barely one pair with depressingly low numbers? Also,
any chances for bluffing or poker-face attempts are clearly futile!

How does one cope with those two challenging responsibilities:

a) to maintain a reasonable degree of one’s wellness, having an
unpredictable, chronic, poorly understood, and often severely debilitating
disorder?

b) to remain a loving parent at the same time, in spite of it?

Presentations by Wendy and Steve turned out to be refreshingly optimistic! Yes, it is very difficult and painful! However, it has been done, and it can be done again! To quote C.S. Lewis: “When something has to be done, there is no sense talking whether or not it can be done.” Through determination, persistence, self-esteem, support extended by family members, friends, MDDA, etc. However and above all, through mutual love, expressed and shared as often as possible!

Presence of “third parties," when a depressed parent is too exhausted, or lifeless, was described as beneficial. It was so inspiring to hear about all the activities that Stephen had been able to do with his children!

Similar feelings were evoked when Wendy told us, how she circumvented half the globe with her heavy cross!

Due to time constraints, many important issues had to be skipped. A positive outcome was a decision to establish now a support group for the concerned parents at MDDA Boston. The first impromptu one gathered right after the talks.

Warm thanks go to both of you, Wend and Steven! You were simply superb!

You can order an audio tape of this lecture by calling 617-855-2795.